Impatience

Impatience is one of the things I really struggle with as a parent and as a person.  I'm impatient for things to change, things to improve, and my child to grow. 

I'm impatient to move and start a new chapter of our lives.  Our current living arrangements are suffocating me.  I feel like I'm in my own personal prison.  Leaving is a huge trial.  Getting a young toddler downstairs along with all the luggage a mother requires is difficult to say the least.  The space issue is a huge problem as well.  We're crammed in here!  I need a space of my own.  Dani needs a room for her things.  Aaron needs an office or at least a place to put his computer and work things.  We need a kitchen that we can actually use without a lot of trouble.  All these needs...and none of them look like they're going to be met anytime soon.

I'm impatient for Dani to be older, to do more.  I'm impatient for her to give me a name and ask to nurse instead of tugging on my shirt.  I'm impatient for her to be at a stage where we can do things.  I want to do crafts.  I want to play games.  I want to go out and look at the world around us together.  I want to be able to communicate.  I love watching her do things and learn...but I'm still impatient for the next step.  She's almost to 18-months which has always been a major milestone to me...but here we are and it's not what I expected.

I suppose it all comes down to my life feeling like a constant state of limbo.  I can't do anything or change anything...there's always something we're waiting on.  I can't even say how many times it's been said in my house that "oh we should wait on that because it may be pointless in case of _____."  The potential move is a huge roadblock.  Why move around our entire apartment and decorate if you're going to move in a month anyway?  But the question is...are we really going to move at all?  At this point I don't feel very confident about it, to be honest.

Also, on a much smaller level, I need to have more patience with things on a day-to-day basis.  Yes, it is tedious to play repetitive toddler games...but it's what Dani needs.  Yes, it sucks to make a meal only to have it thrown in the floor....but it's not the end of the world.  Yes, it sucks to be lead around by the finger....but responding to your child is more important than sitting on your ass.  Yes, the crying and the whining is like nails on a chalkboard to the ears of a mother....but freaking out or getting angry over it isn't going to help matters at all.  These are things I need to remember.  These are things I need to work on. 

I am going to try.